THIS IS ALL A JOKE...

not_dearabby @ 2005-01-09T05:55:00

2005-01-09T11:53:35Z

add red_plane; cus i said so. and i dont think ill write in this anymore, so if you dont mind you can unfriend me.

again jsut saving this...

2005-01-03T06:09:22Z

Congratulations, Mi!
Your IQ score is 133

This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others.

Your Intellectual Type is Word Warrior. This means you have exceptional verbal skills. You can easily make sense of complex issues and take an unusually creative approach to solving problems. Your strengths also make you a visionary. Even without trying you're able to come up with lots of new and creative ideas. And that's just a small part of what we know about you from your test results.
o0o and hahaha..."exceptional verbal skills" but i think the rest is right ;p.... another quiz and this one i like:

F:

Your Beauty lies
in Contradiction. Controversial, unpredictable, and
never what anyone expects.
You appearance and your personality are two
opposite things. Even your
appearance sends different signals to different
people. To some you may look
innocent and sweet, to others you look mysterious
and intimidating at the same
time. No one ever knows what to expect with you.
You are a little bit of
everything all mixed together. You can be watching
the football game with the
guys one minute and the next out shopping at the
mall. You seem to be almost a
different person every time you meet someone, but
at the same time you know
exactly who you are and there is always that one
thing that makes you you. You
enjoy keeping people guessing and people love how
completely unpredictable you
are.

Some Things
That Represent You:

Element:
Fire, Water Animal: Chameleon Color:
Dark Tones, Light
Tones Song: Everything by Alanis Morriesette
Expression:
Half-smile

Gemstone:
Opal Mythological Creature: Gryphon,
Half-breeds Planet: Mars Hair
Color: Red Eye Color:
Brown

Quote:
"Appearances can be deceiving."

Where Does Your Beauty Lie? ..::Original Pictures Are Back! Detailed Results::..
brought to you by Quizilla

and yeah i agree with this one, dont you?

it's about time u start saying good bye...

2005-01-01T00:17:48Z

and not jsut to everything old. to me. to the ME i said i would kill tonight. i mean i dont think it will be an over night thing. but i took my time to think about it and i still like the idea. it jsut feels like fun, and im taking the pills and the thearay and i will be callused. and you wont see me care anymore. i will just quietly agree w you. with every one of you. "go for it" i just cant let the white hairs fill my head, or the anxiaty eat threw my bones anymore. im going to rest. i will give it a year, if its not me and if its posible to bring something form the dead you might see me again. but dont expect that me to come for a visit anytime soon. i will save some of her thngs. a journal she keeps and i will let her write on it. but not one of you can see that anymore. everything else will be planeread. simple, abriged, and and with no deepth you need no rethoric, no philosophy for it. haven't you all read Nietzche its a lonly live to be lived when one is a thinker an analyzer. So Don't. it's all shallow now.
with much love... Mirna

a new me?

2004-12-29T08:32:37Z

you know how i keep saing im going to go shallow, well this is the year (well, this coming year). really, its going to be a whole new calllused me. i swear. im already planing it all in my head.
lets see ill start by cutting my hair, maybe buy a streghtner, but no i can never see the whole super-straight hair as my look, o0o but wait the point is to be as less as me as possible so ill re-think that. then ill bye new cloeth, i've been planing to do that for a while anyway, but when ever i go to the store i just never buy things for me or to wear, so now ill be shallow and i will. i need shoes. and i've always liked that saying, well more like that line in a song that says "all of God's children need traveling shoes" so all of my shoes always fallow that model and in retrospect i've always been looking for the pair that best fits that line and never fond them. ill quit and ill just look for something not so down-to-earth and comfy. (wow thats going to be a tough one because that line is more than just poetic to me, its true and i've always tought of traveling and of the grounds my shoes will walk on instead of what shoes i use to walk the grounds :tear:) i need to stop listining to music for its lyrics. uhh make-up, is there a better way to hide one's self? i need that or atleast to wear what i have and not as a way to express my self like i have. know it will be an everyday thing. wow another tough one, i'll need disapline. my cloeth will no longer express who i am. now they will just show off what good assets i have. i need to work out then. not just to releave stress but how about i try to flaten the tummy. yeah? (another tought one)
ok i can see being shallow is alot of work and it also takes alot of money. i'm already not liking it. i feel like im killing something too. the whole shoe thing really did make me want to cry. i do have a few days to really think if im going to go threw w it. aww i see sings of me changing my mind. so why don't i make this a vote thing.
what do you all think? because this isn't just an exterior thing. o no. everthing about me is a metaphor an analogy. the way i dress and talk included. the moment i act shallow it will be gone. my sympathy. my ability to over-power my rational toughts (wich is hard) to become compacionate of others. to actully care when i say i care. nope honey no more of that. i wont care. you all will just be another face. what good does this do? well that i cant get hurt anymore. you cant hurt me if im not attached. i really will be killing something. i mean why do you all wnat me like this anyway? hurting over your problems. over your mistakes. rationalising with you when you wont change. trying to make you see that when i say there is something good in this world i say it becuse i know that you are good. why do you want me crying like i do now? if after all you all wont change. what do i need to worry about you all for? if i dont think any off you will worry for me. so, shallow it is. right? unsympathetic. callused. uncampasionate. just keep adding all those other words that explane whats wrong with the world and thats what i will become this next year.

not_dearabby @ 2004-12-27T18:16:00

2004-12-28T00:17:07Z

i wrote this Cristmas morning. and yeah...
yeah yeah yeah, forget my last post. im happy now. "wish you were here" was more than i expected and im keeping my expectations high altough they may seem low. hehehe maybe the cld just numbed all my sinces. and once they warm down i'll feel alone again. but dont ruin it now by making me think, just go along with me. damn you know those x-mas they have in the moveis. thats what mine was like. except i had no tree, or lights or presents. but i hardly noticed (cus im keeping my expectations high, huh?).im waking up early and making a snow man.its almost 3 so i should go to bed. someone wake me up. please?

its all gone its all really gone. and i wonder if it was all ever really here. here comes the sun, here comes the sun, and i say.."its all right?"... yeah the sun came melted the ice lil darling and my sences did come back, fuck the sun the lonlyness and everything or everyone else that "warmed me up" or warmed me up.

remember that time...

2004-12-24T19:57:21Z

no you dont cus you werent there. i have been thinking alot about what this next post will be like weather i would be happy when i wrote it or not. but i still dont know the awnser to that. i've been a bit callused leatly, and instead i've been thinking of what happens after periods like this. i cry not cus i wnat to and not cus there is a reason outside of me to make me feel like this. at that excact moment, but cus there were reasons before that i was ignoring. i'm reminded of that day i cried in my dads truk on the way to pick up my sis. before that i was a bitch and during it i was still pretending to be one. maybe i should stop "pretending" but how do i know im not really pretending if i dont plan those moods. i should of taken those pills when they were offered to me. and not the illigal ones. but i was going to take them and i planed to put them in my drawere and leave them there till i tought i needed them. i probablly would have not taken them not even now cus now i feel i deserve to cry. danm and if anyone can please tell me why i would gladly want to know what you think. danm, i hate that word. not when i say it but when i write it or see it in writing.

i dont wanna

2004-12-18T01:27:17Z

do anything, and my friends are in progreso right now or like in an hour, but ill have fun anyway w kitty. but this is kinda just an update so you all can comment cus i DONT HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY!! my lips are seald, in more ways that one. i swear they are. soo, comment bitches, cus i wanna hear from you. cus i love you, all of you friends if not i wouldnt read your journal's. right sam? or jam? hey can i be toast? but i like toasty better. ok this isn't supposed to be an update so ill shutup now.
o0o and one last thing (cus i can never shut up) i miss "the scene" i wanna go to a show and eat fast food in the back seat of someones car. or something like that. any one up to it. or if anyone knows about anyshows, and yeah i know about the ones at scala and barock and all the coffe houses but anyone know about one outside. fast food taste better like that. yeah so tell me of you all hear somthing.

still don't wan't to update...

2004-12-07T17:55:35Z

or talk about anything going threw my head. it will probably last intill im able to undertand what excacly is going threw my head, but i do have a request:
SOME ONE PLEASE TAKE ME TO LA ROPA!! i dont want to drive over there altough i already told my cousin i would take hier and my sis, but i changed my mind. maybe if i go with someone this one last time i'll be able to go on my own one day. that way i can take my lil workers with me. i'll just offer to buy them breakfast if the lil S.O.B's look for shit for me. arent lil brothers Great.
o0o funny story. Oscar walks into my room and takes a stack of letters from my desk written by you already know who. so he runs off and then my brothers make a couple of pretend passes so i dont know who has them and therefore i don't know who to chance after. plus if i run in this house i always hit my self. so, instead i go and take the final fantasy game form there room and threaten to break it if they dont give them back. it worked and santiago screamed "give them back oscar" so now i only had one to chase after, but when i catch oscar he just goes "who is sam (in his mean raspy voice) is he the one we named the dog after" haha yeah my dog was named after sam. hehe. Well, i tought it just sounded like a name for a dog. but now i dont think Oscar likes this sam, for what ever he thinks he did to make me call him a dog. now, aren't little Brothers Great!

not_dearabby @ 2004-12-06T13:32:00

2004-12-06T19:32:29Z

i made lizma makde he own journal.. it's checkyoulaterz... so check it. i kinda still dont want to really update cus i guess im not in one off those "sharing moods" (thats what the Don calls them) in fact i kinda have shit to say and i dont wanna think about it, but when even i smile or lick my lips the little pain form the bruses in my lips remind me. o0ops did i give to much away.
i dont even want to talk about what i have done. i can tell you what i have planned. CRISMAS, im going to learn how to knit and hopefully make scarfs. i have finals all next week. mando is coming this weekend. YAY!! and Sam is coming for x-mas too. and right now i should be at the student health servases cus i was refered there for bad spelling. No just kidding... it's for other stuff. it's for a rash... just kidding. or am i?

well im off already laters, mina

i just want to safe this and i dont have space in this comp or a printer :)

2004-12-05T06:40:32Z

Global Personality Test Results

Stability (13%) very low which suggests you are extremely worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.
Orderliness (13%) very low which suggests you are overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense too often of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.
Extraversion (63%) moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

Take Free Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

trait snapshot:

craves attention, messy, open, rash, irritable, likes large parties, low self control, weird, fragile, does not like to be alone, emotionally sensitive, worrying, depressed, heart over mind, does not respect authority, dependent, not rule conscious, not good at saving money, more interested in relationships than intellectual pursuits, likes to fit in, very social, frequently second guesses self, phobic, suspicious, not careful, outgoing, vain, compassionate, aggressive, likes to make fun, hates to lose

Enneagram Test Results

Type 1	Perfectionism	\|\|	9%
Type 2	Helpfulness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	86%
Type 3	Image Focus	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	79%
Type 4	Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	67%
Type 5	Detachment	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	91%
Type 6	Anxiety	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	82%
Type 7	Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	68%
Type 8	Aggressiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Type 9	Calmness	\|\|	10%

Take Free Enneagram Word Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Maslow Inventory Results

Physiological Needs (37%) you appear to have everything you need to survive physically.
Safety Needs (34%) you appear to have a very secure environment.
Love Needs (64%) you appear to be unhappy with the quality of your social connections.
Esteem Needs (74%) you appear to have a low level of skill competence.
Self-Actualization (71%) you appear to have a high level of individual development.

Take Free Maslow Inventory Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

not_dearabby @ 2004-12-01T11:45:00

2004-12-01T17:51:26Z

still can't get the damn yahoo to work. when ever i spell damn the right way and not dam i think of angie for teaching me that :tear:
God is awsome, i resendly rembered that and gave my mom my whole lecture on evolution, it's not all about that in fact it sounds like a sermone. i tought i had mentioned it to her before but she told me, "mimi, si que nos asses pensar" mhh... maybe she will think i'm more responsable than what i am.
yup school is almost off. next thursday is the first "dead day." i tought that was like a holiday i had not heard about when somebody mentioned it. what lack of sleep makes you think. but the week after that is finals. i only have 3 but one is at 7 a.m. and one test like next tuesday so my laod is easy. o0hhh but i'm really going to have to study for History. ahhhh history!!
then after that im really free. i mean FREE to do what ever intill next semester. :sighs: what the hell will i do? any suggestions.....

there is no were to reach me

2004-11-18T03:41:34Z

i dont have a house phone or a cell(at least for today (i hope)), my internet doesn't work yet, but im here at school doing this... o0o shit i should go back. i'm ushering. wow my fingerst still hurt and i have brusses all over my arms now. why o why o why? i dont know. im bored. o0o yea have to go usher. i'll be back when i have time to come here or when i get my yahoo back. i have to pull an all nighter to study anyway and latly i kinda feel like:
LEAVE ME ALONE I DONT LIKE YOU,:)~ SO FUCK OFF!!
just being truthfull sorry if it hurts but it doesn't, right?

I'm...

2004-11-14T22:44:58Z

*moving right NOW!!,
*tiered,
*really sore,
*hoping someone helps me w the unpacking,
*thinking Thankskinving might not go so great, anymore,
*really glad lisa is back, even is just for a while,
*just now realising that it wasn't anger, but discontend that slowly progressed into resentment.

o0o and last night was really fun lisa... NOW comment.

YEAH THATS ME...I THINK?

2004-11-13T03:32:42Z

You're a Winter. You very much enjoy your time
alone but do like other people's company
sometimes. You just need your space. You have a
few priviledged friends who saw past your
colder exterior to find the true you. You can
have pretty bad mood swings (though you hate to
admit it) so you could be soft one second then
storming around the next! But over all, you're
a very pleasant person once people take the
time to get to know you. You're a good friend
for in-depth talks. You're very talanted when
it comes to creative things.(If you can't see
tje pics, go to my homepage and look near the
bottom and find your result)

now i remember why i haven't updated. my fingers hurt when i type. im back to being anxsios when i sleep and i tighten my fingers and the rest of my body so i wake sore... my fingers especially have this weird kinda cripled feeling to them. i need rest but look at me now. even when i rest i'm not really rested because now i'm subconsiosly worring about,... about? yeah good question. i dont know things are actually going smothly. as smothly as my life ever goes anyway. i'm just tiered beyond help. woow my fingers are really cramping up, so i'll go know. ***i hope it keeps getting colder*** i have to bye me an awsome jacket for this winter i just deserve a peace of clothing that makes me feel comfortable and unique. i think i'll find it at la ropa. anyone what to go with me? oh no i already have the baby blue trench coat. i just need to get that fitted and ironed. o0o and that sweater that is so comfortable becuse it makes me feel 2 again because i had a woolly swater like that at a. altough, if any of you would try it you would think its itchy. i do need a new journal. im not going to date that one so i can always go back and edit and/or undo. and i won't write all this bable i write to unwind. just actaul toughts that acually took some thinking. ha ha that last sentance strikes me as funny. ok finger pain. worst than my usual pinky artritest so bye
luuuuuuuuuveeeeeee youuuuuuu aaaaaaaaaalll.....
i used to type that to someone at times.. sad he's gone and not the kind were i can't reach him just the kind were i can't talk to him, wich is worst.

not_dearabby @ 2004-11-07T13:02:00

2004-11-07T19:20:33Z

So its roxy, me, and mando, who came down for the weekend for the second time in one month well last weekend was october, but you get me. and were going to a bar in mex but once were there we see 1040 has like a lady's night so me and rox dont have to pay and its open bar.
So what the hell. right? and we go up to ask if they can go in with chanclas. the bouncer told us it was ok for rox, ofcourse she has hooters the size of my head, but mando needed to change and then the guy tells me "y si tiene una camisa mejor tambien que se cambie" (that he should change shirts too).
AND here is the funny part: mando finds a wrikled maroon shirt in the trunk of his car and first as a joke he says he is going to wear it. i told him the guy said only if he found a shirt he should change and that he didnt really have to. the shirt was too funny tough it was way to wrinkled so rox said she will put it on while he puts on his shoes so that she can stretch some of the wrinkels out. It kinda worked. and then mando put it on and it was too funny. Picture this skinny guy in over wrinkeld shirt. ok, maybe you had to be there. but in he end he decides to wear it and we laugh all the way to the club and once were there we roll up his sleves and go in like no problem. while the bouncer stoped a guy that was by himself wearing sneakers. i think it kinda worked for mando that he was w 2 girls. HA.
yeah, thats the way this world works. its nice being a girl altough roxanne should learn to embrace it more. come on im a feminist but if a guy offers to cary the really heave camera case im going to say yes cus im also very weak. yeah so we are to blame for original sin but its only cus there was a guy there stupid enough to listen to us. HAHAHA!!! my advice is work it girl, just dont demean your self cus there is a small line and we all know were it is. ;p

Ok, another anoying quiz, but...

2004-11-07T00:58:32Z

this one is funny cus i think this already happend. like one time i went over to someones and we watched Family Guy. this is the time i went by my self and nothing happend..even tough no one will belive me. really. ok so we werent smoking either but we did have the tickle fight and i won. Since he still cant find my tickle spot and i had been sick and bearly had any energy for the regular tickels.... take a look:

Your Ultimate One Night Stand... by crispnite
LJ Username
Favorite animal
You invite over...
They bring...
You talk about...
You end up...	having a massive tickle fight!

Quiz created with MemeGen!

i cant sleep, look

2004-11-05T07:23:45Z

CeLLarDooR0508(1:04:26am):dude you me and lisa should become serial killers and get the guys that have done us wrong
CeLLarDooR0508(1:04:49am):it would be like a group thing...we'd go down in history
BlameItAllOnLuck(1:05:03am):ok
BlameItAllOnLuck(1:05:04am):no
....hehehehe, what do you all think?

I post weird poetic stuff no one understands

why is YOUR livejournal annoying?
brought to you by Quizilla

Naw... i dont, right?
did i ever tell you that my psycology book makes it seem like i need serios help (and not in spelling)... maybe its cus i once said i dont call asking me to call is like asking me to fall in love, i dont do it but i say i will if i can get something out of it. yeah i need a shrink.
no way look at this other one:

You Are a Liberal Republican

When you tell people that you're Republican, they rarely believe you.

That's because you're socially liberal - likely pro-choice and pro-gay rights.

You're also not so afraid of big goverment, as long as it benefits people and not politicians.

You are the most likely of any Republican type to swing over to the Democrat side sometimes.

What political persuasion are you?

not_dearabby @ 2004-11-04T18:18:00

2004-11-05T00:28:43Z

ok time goes by fast when your computer doesn't work, but now im sick... ill go stragit to...
the observatons of the day:
old ppl dress like punks or is it punks dress like old ppl because they are the once that are older. yeah i think that's it. see first i saw this man wearing an orange trucker cap and i black polo w a white color. put since i see blury cus i'm all teary eyed i tought it was a lame punk around my age. when i got closer i realised he was old. ok well like 50 so if he died soon ppl would say he was stilll do young, cus thats how it works but really he is old. then i say someone w an afro type hair that looks like a guy w curly hair just let his grow to much and that person was wearing black framed glasses and again when i got closer i realised it was jsut an old lady. so you weirdos out there that dress like i just described STOP STEALLYIN THE OLD PPL'S LOOK. j/k but you defenetly dont get props for originality. i should talk i probably dress like an old lady too. and thats probably why i always like old lady skirts and pants. yeah i do dress like on old person woops.
yeah... im sick and i got stung by a bee, i hurt my anckle coming down form jimmy's car,my dog got hit by a car, i almost fell in the shower and it hurt me and for some reason im all brussed on the side. o0o and my friends are emberasing especailly at HEB and thats cus i got them bracelets. and there is porbably more bad stuff thats happend and i just dont rember anymore cus i have had a bad last couple of weeks. AAAAAHHH... i need a limpia im calling Guelita. naw i should call Rene. hehe.

not_dearabby @ 2004-10-27T22:16:00

2004-10-28T03:36:53Z

I heard another song today that made me want to cry and i though maybe i should of never done that. i feel like specking in rhyme do you want to hear me cry.
there is parts of the song that...well look:

All alone on a Sunday morning
Outside I see the rain is falling
Inside I'm slowly dying
But the rain will hide my crying
And you
Don't you know
My tears will burn the pillow
Set this place on fire...
All I needed was a simple hello
But the traffic was so noisy
That you could not hear me cry
I, I gave you my love in vain...
And you
You leave me so confused
Now I'm all cried out
Over you...
Leaving me all alone...
Why should I take the blame
You were the one who left me neglected...
"I'm so sorry"...
Apology not accepted...
I don't know what to do
Now I'm all cried out...
I'm all cried out
And you...
You left me so confused
Now I'm all cried out...

all the dotdotdot's are me editing stuff out, but you get the point. that feeling of me being mad form an original feeling of neglect and sadness is still there and i think its to hard for me to ignore it. i will rember it when ever... well i know, and i think i should not do it again.

SO WHAT IF I DO? but i dont

2004-10-27T16:48:43Z

Tons Of Icons! by xInvisableToYoux
Name:
Your Icon:

Quiz created with MemeGen!

I FEEL LIKE SINGING

2004-10-27T00:56:20Z

It must have been love but it’s over now ::hums the rest:: okay maybe I should sing something more happy.
The itsy bitsy spider went up the spider vein, down came the rain and washed all away…but the itsy bitsy spider went up and tried again.
Don’t you want to know what it was, but the moment I tell you…well I guess its over now. After all, crocodile tears I call them now; his, mine, and the bullfrog’s on the side.
Roxanne do you still have the… yeah you do. I’m going to your house tomorrows. Nah you come to mine… it might be easier here. And there is a movie I want you to watch. Dam I'm a pathetic soul. I should of not written the thing below. I already know I’m a pathetic soul w out faith in my self. For everyone else except me, now there is that to read and over-analyze me again. I’m just hopeless. Come on I’m crazy. Ahh… but jimmy said he is going to de-weirdo me. I guess, he says the first step is me dressing like a hooker o0o well the sacrifice has to be made. Dam I’m lonely.

from your formaly caring friend

2004-10-25T00:26:53Z

Sometimes I feel like criticizing the whole world: to really tell you all how I feel about how stupid it all is, but its hard cus in the end I still have faith its not all the same and that there is hope. I have to really be mad and pissed to be able to bring out the darkest part of me and tell you how maybe life really is an absurd play. Like hamlet said "a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury signifying nothing." and I’m going to take my time now and tell you how it is. Even if I cry here in the kitchen as I say how stupid it really all is, because next time I use such a colloquial word to mean so much I want you to know what I implying.
updated October 30. 2004....
ok, so right here there used to be an entry that i erased cus no one really has to read it. lets keep it naive and stupid. its better that way. :muah: sorry.
UPDATED OCTOBER 31 2004...
WOO It feels like more time has past. just been a couple of long days, but im updating cus ther is a part of the entry i should of keeped and here it is...
I just supposed that by the time I was this old I would be able to move out of the same subjects I always question. Like truth, there is no such thing ppl. You can’t know the truth just like you can never finish knowing your self or any other person. That’s why love is so absurd. But in the end no one person has ever been sufficiently truthful. Its relative, virtual. It is all in your heads. You can change your mind so much you can never really know anything. So what if that was true then if you exclude curtain parts then you can have a different truth. Just by excluding an event, a person or something as small as an idea or feeling, it can change the present truth. Its not right your all wrong because we forget, we become bias, we CHANGE OUR MINDS. Feelings never have a truth you have to stay truth to the moment in other words. I know it sounds cliché but its true.
maybe this even explanes why i have chenged the entry around so much. thats the only truth dont give me any other one.

Woo I DID IT...

2004-10-22T23:27:26Z

im such a pathetic creture, i really am. in a conversation w Rene not more than a min. ago i told him that i was so sad that i couldn't even make my self cry, but look this made me laugh....
i have been listening to 107.9 before i got to bed, well actually while i sleep for like the past 2 weeks. (i need a voice there to help me fall asleep.) so anyway i always would listen and it wuold make my sad cus i rember this kid in a show once said (I think it's boy meets world) they were in love and now they can understand what all those country songs are talking abnout. ya know, cus there all about love, just like the the ones that come out at 107.9 at night.well, even tougn im like a ballad lover i never really can't relate much and that makes me sad. and really i dont know why i listen since i've been crying about evey other min. why do i need something more to make me sad? but i think i listen mainly cus i was looking for a song that would say what i was thinkng, cus i haven't been able to put it into words my self and the moment that i found that song i felt like i could relate to that episode of boy meets world. ("im turing into a real boy"-Pinochio) and yeah i rember this like a min. ago. well, longer cus it was a min before i started writing this and it made me laugh so i guess im in a better mood atleast to go to the game. altough im hopping that tomorow my mood gets better too. (woo hoo for tomorow) so ya want to know what song it is... its "white flag" that Dido song. here's a peice:

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you
I'll tell you that
But if I didn't say it
Well, I'd still have felt it
Where's the sense in that?
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were
chorus: Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
I know I left too much mess
And destruction to come back again
And I caused but nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "It's over"
Then I'm sure that that makes sense
(chorus)
And when we meet
As I'm sure we will
All that was then
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on
(chorus x3)
yeah i guess thats also what the e-mails said in case your wondering cus i have't really told anyone. except for one lil exception but ill let you guess what that is. now ill go and hum the song and in my own sick way laugh at it all, i really dont think this will fix it since in the end i dont really know what's making me sad. i'm just pathetic and ill go wait by the mail box like snoopy. wait it was the dog house, right? o0o well i used to have a doll house around the mail box so you get me. cus in the end im still pissed for most of the time.

yeah, im clean now but im STILL FUCKING PISSED

2004-10-20T20:24:29Z

i told you i dont know why i just am. i need someone to make me laugh, but im not about to look for someone to do it. dam im such a good girl helping ppl study and listening to when ever something is pissing you off or making you sad. All of you. but nope i dont wnat the same. i wnat to be left alone. Hey my favorite movie is fight club, you lil shit. but i guess you werent listening. rene is right this thing causes problems and im sorry you all cant tell what sarcasm is wait sarcasm wasn't my fault im fucking being staright at least to a point were im not putting anyting to personal out there like i did in those e-mails, either way im not going to stop writing. i told you this was my practice and you all dont have to read it cus none of this is going out to anyone of you and if you happen to read it and find that "el saco queda" (the coat fits) then wear it but leave me alone.

AHH

2004-10-19T23:39:57Z

WOW on yesterdays entry. really i jsut had that feeling, and looking back i realize that i wasnt send to limbo i was keeped there because something was holding me down, while i was trying to go up. i let go of that conection. its funny what a simple click of a button can do. BUT right now im not laughing. i'm fucking pissed. dont ask why. i'm just a real pissed kid. fuck i had to walk im sweety and for some reason i had the feeling all day that something bad was going to happen. like what you ppl cal "butterflies" except w nausia. and it came and left all day but i was in a good mode for the most part, but not now. in fact i seggest you dont look for me. fuck who knows what will happen tomorow im not even in the mood for this weekend. ahh... i tought...well never mind. and no this isnt about you. dont be so fucking vain. this isnt about any of you. im just pissed and dirty. at least i can fix the dirty so i should go shower, then eat or vise versa. aaahhh!!!

and lizbeth come back i have something to tell you that you'll find funny. just someone remind me.